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Bath- A bath is when your human throws you in a giant tub of...of...oh
it's just so horrible.... WATER! They make you stay in while they scrub you with baby shampoo (a foul-smelling liquid
that they rub all over you. It makes your furr all gross and shiney). They will probably insist that they are cleaning
you. We all know better than that. My advice is that once you're free, clean, clean, clean. Make sure to lick Everywhere.
You're probably thinking "My human wouldn't do that to me. Even if they did, we're their intellectual superiors...I could
escape". WELL YOU CAN'T! If you ever hear the word...*shudder*..."bath"...RUN!
Cat- A cat is a monsrous killing machine. They live to kill, even if
your stupid human doesn't see through their purring and pawing. It'll use it's sharp claws and pointy teeth to rip you apart.
Now, cat's, like most animals, are smarter than humans so it is hard to got them off your tail. If you have had an experience
with a cat and need help, call the Feline Fright Therepy Foundation at 1800-kitycat.
Furniture- Furniture is there for you to show your
human how much you love them. They love it when you chew and pull at couches and beds. That's why they make such a big deal
out of it. They also like it when you do your business on the furniture. When you do this, they reward you by letting you
go back to the cage, which is, ultimately, what we wanted seeing how we didn't want out in the first place.
Hand- A hand is a horrible, tool humans use to
make you do what they want. They can move you, wake you up, take things away, etc. The Hand is an awful thing that should
be feared among rats. However hands do occasionaly bring good things such as food. This led rat-scientists in the 50's to
beleive that the hand had been inslaved by the human and meant to do good but was over-powered into doing evil. When the hand
brings good things, it is the real, unenslaved hand. When it does bad things, it is being controlled by the human. Because
of this, you should lick your human's hand when it does you good, to show your gratitude.
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